"I'm doing better than I deserve"

I remember first hearing that expression coming through the gate at Scott, AFB.  I was presenting my ID to the gate guard and I offered the usually greeting, "good morning, how are you doing?"  To which he replied, "better than I deserve".  That was new.  I don't want to seem overdramatic, but his response stunned me.  In fact, at that moment I couldn't even find the words to respond.  I'm pretty sure I looked utterly confused as I gave an awkward nod and went on through the gate with my eyes glazed over.  As a new Christian, my brain went into overdrive processing what he had just said, what it meant, how it applied to me, how it related to scripture, how it would later become a humbling philosophy by which I try to live my life.  

I discussed this encounter with my dad over the phone and he brought to my attention that the "better than I deserve" expression actually comes from Dave Ramsey, a finance expert who has become a staple within Christian churches who offer his Financial Peace University courses to their congregation.  Suffice it to say, we've since used Dave's financial advice to get ourselves out of crippling debt and started investing in our retirement.  More importantly, Dave's "better than I deserve" expression establishes a level of truth so obvious that I feel embarrassed that it never occurred to me that I'm always doing better than I deserve.  As Christians, we should be living our lives with the perspective that, regardless of what good or terrible situation we may find ourselves in, we're always doing better than we deserve.  When we're thriving, when we get that great job, when we find that perfect spouse, when our fridges and bellies are full, we're doing better than we deserve.  Yes, even in the darkest hours of our lives, where it seems all is lost, hopeless, nothing but despair, even then, we're doing better than we deserve.  Why?  Because you're not the good person you think you are.

You're not the good person you think you are.

Sorry to burst your self-righteous bubble, but you're not a good person deserving of Heaven; at least, not by God's standard.  No matter how much you've given to the poor or how many hugs you've given at the local nursing home or how often you volunteer at food kitchens, churches, homeless shelters, etc., you cannot merit your way into Heaven (Eph 2: 8-9).  If you were able to work your way to Heaven, then Christ's death would be in vain.  You might perceive yourself to be better than, say, Hitler or Pol Pot—and maybe a rung or two below Mother Theresa and the Dalai Lama—but Scripture teaches that we're all sinners (Rom 3: 9-20), pervasively depraved, deserving of punishment and separation from God.  

While I was agnostic, I spent a lot of time partying, smoking, getting black-out drunk and, as a married man, getting a little too friendly with other women.  Whatever self-indulgent behavior I could muster, I made it happen.  Remarkably, I still considered myself a good person.  I hadn't killed anyone, after all.  I thought to myself, "Well, if God does exist, he knows my heart and knows that I'm a good person and he'll let me in heaven".  The scary part is God does know your heart and He knew that I was a self-indulgent, womanizing, liar who left his child to fend for himself among the other drunks at our house while daddy disappeared for some fun.  Moreover, He knew that I wasn't interested in a relationship with Him, but that I was interested in me, me, me and, occasionally, I was nice to people.  Afterall, you have to put on the façade that you're a decent person.  We're masters at deceiving ourselves.

Ray Comfort, a fantastic evangelist, often asks those that he encounters if they think they are a good person.  Invariably, they answer, "yes".  At which point he puts them to the test.  Using just the ten commandments, he asks "have you ever lied?"  They respond, "yes".  "Have you ever stolen anything?"  They almost always answer, "yes".  "Have you ever used God's name in vain?"  Again, "yes".  "Have you ever looked at another person with lust?"  Laughing, they answer, "yes".  Ray reveals to them that, by their own admission, they are a lying, thieving, blaspheming, adulterer at heart and that they are guilty in the sight of God and deserving of punishment.  So, the next time you think you're a good person, ask yourself "by whose standard am I saying I'm good?"  Is it the world's standard or God's standard of good?  The former doesn't matter, the latter will humble you.

You're not promised happiness in this life.

No, your pain and suffering is not a punishment from God.  In Matthew 5:45, Jesus explains that God causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and unrighteous.  Remember that we worship a crucified savior, whom even He was not spared from the Father's wrath.  Don't forget the original disciples of Christ, almost all of which were martyred for their faith.  Throughout generations followers of Christ have suffered, been tortured, excommunicated, murdered, ridiculed, diseased, etc.; why should you be the exception?  Jesus tells us in Mathew 16:26 that, if we plan on following Him, we will need to "deny ourselves" and "take up our cross and follow Him".  Meaning, we should be prepared to reject the worldly pleasures that distract us from Him and potentially embrace a life of hardship as His followers.  Jesus takes this even further in Matthew 10:34-39, where He explains that He has not come to bring peace to the world, but a sword against father and son, mother and daughter, daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law; your worst enemies will be the members of your own family, He says.  He continues by explaining that if we love anyone more than Him, if we do not take up our cross and follow Him, we are not fit to be His disciples.   Loving Christ, then, means willingness to be hated by those who oppose you and what you stand for.  Namely, standing for Christ.  But, we're reminded in John 15:18 that, although the world might hate us, to remember it hated Christ first.  It takes boldness and sacrifice to be a disciple of Christ.  In those times of suffering for Christ, we're told to rejoice (Rom 5:3-4) because suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.

Some food for thought: how often do you go to God when things are going well?  and how often do we cry out to God when we're suffering or in pain?  I'll admit, I find myself praying more during times of turmoil and challenges.  C.S. Lewis wrote that, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains".  Pain and suffering, it seems, is an opportunity for us to turn to Him.

Why would an all loving God send me to Hell?

Because God is perfectly just.  Meaning, He must punish sin and, unfortunately, we've all sinned against Him.  If God is perfectly just, then justice requires that you get what you deserve and, as we've already established, we deserve Hell.  But, let's get one thing straight, He doesn't send anyone to Hell.  The most radical part about all of this is that you volunteer yourself to be separated from God for all eternity.  That's right, in essence you raise your hand and say, "no thanks, God, not interested".  Let's be honest with ourselves for a moment, if you have no interest in a relationship with God now during this infinitesimally small amount of time on Earth, you're certainly not going to be interested in a relationship with Him for eternity.  It is precisely because God loves us so much that He will not force us into a relationship with Him against our will.  So, it is not God that sends you to Hell, it's that Hell is where you want to be.  In effect, God gives us over to our desires (Rom 1:24).  As C.S. Lewis remarked, "the doors of Hell are locked from the inside".  

How can anyone get to Heaven?

Not only is God perfectly just, but He is also merciful.  If justice is getting what you deserve, then mercy is not getting what you deserve.  

So, how is God both perfectly just and merciful?  Those seem to be concepts that contradict.  Ah, now we're getting to the meat of it all.  If justice is getting what you deserve and mercy is not getting what you deserve, then it is by grace that we get what we don't deserve.  The beauty and the genius of the gospel message is that the paradox of God's justice and mercy is solved by God's grace, where the demands of justice and mercy are satisfied with His love being poured out on the cross.  It is by God's grace that we have a way to God.  This is the gospel message: that God's perfect justice demands punishment for sin and that, because God is merciful and loved the world, He gave His Son, Jesus, who stands in our place as a sacrifice to satisfy the demands of justice, whose atoning sacrifice made a way to God and by God's grace we were given an undeserving opportunity to join Him in a loving relationship for eternity.  Still, it is an opportunity we must either accept or reject.  

Once we grasp our depravity and how undeserving we are of anything good from God, you realize how much God really loves you.  In effect, you become grateful in all circumstances.  Even in those dark times, you're optimistic.  It's a life of gratitude that contrasts with a life of entitlement.  

Live a life of gratitude.  You're always doing better than you deserve.